By Floyd Godfrey, LPC, CSAT candidate
We've had the opportunity in Mesa, AZ to speak with hundreds of women who are contemplating whether their husband is addicted to pornography. Although some men claim to use porn as a leisure activity, others report that they are hopelessly addicted to pornography. When this is the case, wives will experience emotional trauma. Women are left with questions related to their self-confidence and also about their relationship. Determining whether or not your husband is addicted to pornography is an important question.
Although usually your husband is the one that will know for himself, there are addiction indicators you can look for. The following is very common:
1. Does he make repeated attempts to stop, even promises, but keeps returning to use pornography?
2. Does he keep using pornography even when it contradicts with his religious or moral convictions?
3. Has he demonstrated patterns of hiding the problem, or lying to others about the problem?
4. Does he often seem preoccupied or disengaged when he is not using pornography?
5. Has your husband ever been caught using pornography at inappropriate times or places – like at work?
6. Has he ever missed important activities as a result of pornography use (e.g., religious activities, family outings, special events, appointments)?
7. Have you noticed that he often seems more disconnected with you or with close friends?
If your husband has an addiction to pornography, you’ll notice that emotional changes have occurred over time. These changes are slow and progressive. However, there is hope. Thousands of men who were once entrenched in pornography addiction have escaped.
It’s not a simple process and takes time. Unfortunately there’s no quick fix. Additionally, your own healing process as a woman will take time. The trauma and distrust that has developed, requires special intervention. Most husbands and wives will seek professional counseling as a part of their recovery program. Remember that shaming him will not generate long-term motivation. It will have the opposite effect. Get support. Talk to your pastor or church leader. Talk to an expert in this field. You can both find peace again!
Call us for a free 15-minute consultation with one of our therapists trained in pornography addiction in Mesa AZ (480) 668-8301.