Q: What is a sex addict?
A: Being a sex addict does not mean that someone is necessarily out on the prowl, being
promiscuous all the time. It could be a 14 year old boy addicted to masterbation, or a 44
year old man compulsively looking at pornography. The perception that this 14 year old
must be out having sex at school, or the 44 year old man is continuously seeking
prostitutes or topless bars simply isn't always the case. It could simply be the boy is
addicted to masturbation and the man is addicted to looking at pornography. They are
addicted to the act, they cannot stop no matter how hard they try.
Q: Why can't they stop?
A: For someone who is a compulsive sex addict, they try to stop but they continually fall
back into destructive behaviors. It is very much like an alcoholic who tries and fails to
quit time and time again. They may be able to suppress the activities for a time, but
sooner or later they fall, causing guilt and shame. Many sex addicts may even stop the
behavior for months...But when the core issues are not addressed, it is very difficult to
overcome the addiction.
The biggest myth about sexual addiction is that
it can be overcome by self control. Similar to
alcoholism a sex addict has to learn what causes
the behavior and then how to overcome
it...Will-power alone is not enough to stop an
addict.
* Many religious leaders often think that the
issue is simply about the behaivor, simply about
self-control, to look or not look at pornography.
However, it can not be emphasized enough, it is
not solely about the behavior. It is about
recognizing, addressing, and overcoming deeply
rooted core issues. This is what leads to change.
Q: How long does it take?
A: The STAR program is self paced. Individuals graduate when they have recovered. For
some, this process takes longer than others. STAR is not a "quick fix," solution. Research
has found that individuals usually need between 12-24 months for long term recovery, in
some instances even longer.
Q: How successful is the program?
A: The STAR program has been here in Arizona for just over 2 years now; however, we
have seen many individual families expereince healing in this short amount of time. In
fact, everyone who has continued with the program has succeeded in dramatically
reducing destructive behaviors. This does not mean to insinuate that we are at 100%. Of
course we have individuals who drop out or quit for a variety of reasons. Nevertheless, all individuals who have been committed and continued working through the program have
succeeded.
Q: What is the STAR program?
The "STAR" program and the LifeSTAR network were developed about 14 years ago by
Dan Gray, LCSW and Todd Olson, LCSW. The two licensed professional counselors
studied the issues of compulsive sexual behaviors from many experts including, Dr.
Patrick Carns and Dr. John Bradshaw, pioneers in the field of sexual addiction. They
also traveled to a variety of in-patient facilities (including the Meadows in Arizona)
where sexual addiction is treated. The pair then took reliable, current, and cutting
edge research and developed this program. The LifeSTAR Network provides individual,
group, and family therapy to people struggling wih pornography and sexual addictions.
Co-founders Dan Gray, LCSW, and Todd Olson, LCSW, have been assisting individuals
and couples for over twenty years, both in private practice and in their highly successful
"Getting Started Workshops" (the first phase of the STAR program). They have
developed a variety of powerful educational tools, including a user-friendly woorkbook
series and other supplementary materials to help addicts and their partners rise above
addiction. With demand for their services, programs, and products increasing, the
LifeSTAR Network was established to make this program available through licensed
LifeSTAR Network therapists nationwide.
"STAR" Programs Logistics
The LifeSTAR group programs are broken down into three phases of recovery and
healing:
- Phase I: Getting Started
- Phase II: Recovery
- Phase III: Advanced
Phase I: Getting Startedis a six-week educational course for people struggling with
sexual addiction, and for their partners. This exciting new course provides participants
with a better understanding about sexual addiction and the underlying issues, and
teaches both partners and addicts how to begin the journey toward peace, hope, and
healing. The primary focus of the Getting Started Workshop is to educate. We have
found that when clients are well-informed about the underlying issues that influence
unhealthy behaviors, they become empowered to take a more proactive approach to
recovery and life.
The Getting Started Workshop is intended for those starting out in recovery, and is also
recommended for those who have been attending 12-step groups or for those being
discharged from an inpatient setting. We strongly recommend that married couples
come together so they can begin the process of education together; however, the
workshop is also for single adults and for those clients whose partners are not willing to
attend.
Phase II: Recovery Group is intended to help clients develop solid sobriety and employ
successful strategies that will help them live healthier, more productive lives. The
workbooks in Phase II focus on providing a deeper look at denial, the addiction cycle,
fantasies and objectification, relapse prevention, and healthy living. Participants
should stay in Phase II until they have established a solid sobriety, are implementing an
effective treatment plan - including a network of support - and have a detailed
understanding of their addictive system. Partners in Phase II take a deep look at their
own issues, and learn to recognize co-dependent behaviors and establish healthy
boundaries.
Phase III: Advanced Group is a long-term commitment to group therapy and is geared
toward helping participants maintain their new-found healthy lifestyles. Phase III
addresses the issues that underlined the addiction in the first place, such as faulty core
beliefs, trauma, and abuse. Once the addiction has been stopped and the underlying
issues have been addressed, healthy lifestyle changes are reinforced in order to keep the
addiction from reappearing. For couples in the program, this is the time to practice
their new lifestyle and new way of relating to each other. In Phase III, they put into
practice all of the identity and boundary training they have received throughout the
first two phases.
*The LifeSTAR programs-as well as any associated products or those recommended by
LifeSTAR-are not intended to take the place of therapy. We strongly advise all users of
our programs or products to consider counseling with a qualified licensed therapist in
their local area.
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