Restoring Relationships
The journey of recovery for individuals with sexual addiction is multifaceted, often requiring intensive personal introspection and accountability. Among the most critical—and emotionally complex—tasks in recovery is addressing the damage caused to loved ones. Acknowledging and repairing these relational wounds can significantly support both personal healing and the rebuilding of trust. The Sexual Addiction Betrayal Recovery (SABR) program recognizes this necessity and employs a rigorously guided approach to disclosure, designed to reduce trauma and facilitate authentic repair in affected relationships.
Power of Disclosure
Disclosure—the act of truthfully revealing one’s past sexual behaviors to a partner—is both a milestone and a minefield in the recovery process. Without structure, disclosures can retraumatize partners and destabilize recovery progress. SABR mitigates this risk by implementing a structured disclosure format, overseen by a trained therapist, to provide a safe, compassionate, and honest environment. This format includes preparation through emotional regulation skills, rehearsal of appropriate disclosures, and the presence of a clinician to guide the session. These measures help create an atmosphere that prioritizes both the safety of the betrayed partner and the accountability of the recovering addict.
Making Amends
Making amends is a foundational aspect of sex addiction recovery, emphasized in Step Nine of the 12-step tradition. According to Sex Addicts Anonymous (2012), “It is often helpful to ask the people we harmed what they think we should do to help make things right. We bear in mind that we can't always fully repair the harm we've done; nothing can change the past” (p. 51). This quote highlights the humility necessary in recovery work—acknowledging the pain caused without expectation of immediate forgiveness.
Indeed, the work of repair is neither quick nor simple. As SAA further notes, “Despite our best efforts and intentions in working this step, regaining the trust of those we have harmed is usually not a quick or easy matter” (p. 51). The SABR program supports clients in managing this extended process by helping them develop tools for emotional endurance, active listening, and consistent behavioral change.
Living Amends
Repair goes beyond apology; it involves tangible, sustained change. “Our apologies will be seen as sincere only when it becomes evident that we now live differently” (Sex Addicts Anonymous, 2012, p. 51). The SABR model integrates this principle by requiring clients to demonstrate consistent sobriety, emotional accountability, and proactive engagement in relational repair. Educational strategies drawn from experts like Stefanie Carnes and Kim buck reinforce the importance of integrity and empathy in the amends process. The structure teaches clients that real change is validated not by words alone but by how they choose to live in the aftermath of disclosure.
Conclusion
The disclosure process, when conducted with care and therapeutic oversight, can serve as a bridge between the wreckage of addiction and the hope of renewed connection. The SABR program’s strict and compassionate disclosure structure provides an effective framework for navigating this difficult terrain. As SAA reminds us, “This does not keep us from doing our best to set things right in the present” (2012, p. 51). With professional guidance and a commitment to authentic change, trust can be rebuilt, one truthful step at a time.
Family Strategies Counseling Center has actively serviced clients since 2000 in treatment for pornography addiction or sexually compulsive behavior. Our SABR program for adults and Valor groups for young men can help you! Give us a call (800) 614-8142 or visit our website for more information: https://familystrategies.org/sabr.html.
References
Sex Addicts Anonymous. (2012). Sex addicts anonymous. International Service Organization of SAA, Inc.
